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Don’t Let Your Partner Drive You Crazy

May 25, 2017

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  Little things matter. Partners in long-term relationships tend to becoming angry over absurdly small matters. Their partner’s minor habits drive them nuts; things like pressing too hard on the cutting board, writing “b” and “h” so they are practically indistinguishable, not putting on their seat belt until after the car is started, squeezing the toothpaste from the tube in the wrong way, leaving drawers slightly open, or never drinking a glass of water down to the end but pouring the last couple drops into the sink.   Things like these can be irritating, but often the reactions to them are completely out of proportion. In calmer moments, partners often wonder why they get so worked up about little things. Instead of dismissing yourself as crazy or idiotic and trying to ignore the whole issue, spend some time thinking about the logic behind the small irritants. The little things are symbols of larger and more important issues operating in the background, although it can be hard to figure out what the deeper issue is.   In other areas of life, people tend to be generous about symbols. It’s not unusual for college students to write essays on things like why the color blue was important to Picasso or what sunflowers meant to Van Gogh. It’s not considered strange that artists get obsessed with small things. That sort of perspective should be used in relationships as partners explore the little things and work to uncover the issue behind them.   For example, pressing too hard on the cutting board isn’t irritating because of concern for the board. Buying a replacement once a year or so probably would fit within the budget. But the overeager effort seems to point to a more troubling quality: a sense of roughness, indelicacy, and lack of restraint. This side of them is feared not in their life in general but because they might not realize when they are hurting you. The worry is for yourself, not the board.   Authority might be the issue that causes annoyance over the seat belt. The “right thing” to do is put on your seat belt before starting the engine. You may get irritated your partner doesn’t do it that way because it seems like they think they are above the rules. They seem slightly arrogant, and like they have an entitled sense of being different. You may wonder if they will ever understand the fear of doing the “wrong thing” or stop feeling like they are above the rules.   Other issues can be equally important. The last drops of water don’t represent wasted water, but they may make you fear your partner will treat you the same way and throw you away after drinking the best years of your life. A note which could read “gone to buy bread” or “gone to buy head” doesn’t confuse you, but you might resent your partner’s lack of worry about being misunderstood.   Worrying about larger issues like this isn’t wrong; in fact, they are legitimate concerns. It’s the response to them that makes the difference. Take time to identify the real issues and transfer concerns away from the little things that are only symbols, then you can share the deeper issues with your partner. Most likely, they won’t be indifferent to your worries and you can work together to decode the risky symbols so that the little things are less annoying.   All long-term relationships experience moments of irritation and struggles, but the little things are often more annoying at stressful times, like when you are planning your wedding. Planning weddings in Northern California is stressful with the many details to think about and so much to do. Hiring a wedding planner in Northern California cuts the stress of planning so that you can enjoy the process and not get angry about little things, or at least have time to figure out the real problem. Weddings in Northern California are a beautiful time to celebrate with family and friends, and your wedding planner in Northern California will help you create a dream wedding, where you can enjoy every moment and feel like one of the guests.

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