Relationships are complicated. Deciding whether to stay in one is difficult. There are many factors to consider, and it’s impossible to know all the potential outcomes. The question is pondered every day by people all over the world while their partners may have little idea of the momentous decision taking place.
The Decision is Becoming More Common
In today’s world, we expect to be in love and happy with our partners. This makes it easy to wonder if the sexual and psychological frustrations in our relationships are normal or are a sign of unusual pathological problems warning us to get out as quickly as possible. Our friends’ relationships, movies we watch, books we read, the noise of sexually driven dating apps, and even how much sleep we got the night before all influence is often more than we care to admit.
Fewer External Objections
As we become more likely to consider the question, it also seems like others care less what our answer will be. In the past, strict external sanctions made it easier to stay. Religions told us that God blesses unions and doesn’t want them torn apart. Societies disapproved of splitting up and separated parties could expect decades of shame and ignominy. Psychologists explained how children would be scarred if their parents broke up. These sanctions made it difficult even to consider leaving your partner. But now, the sanctions have fallen away. Religions have stopped terrifying couples into staying, society doesn’t care, and the psychologists now say children would rather have a broken family instead of an unhappy one.
The Choice Falls on Our Shoulders
With external sanctions all but evaporated, the only way to decide whether to stay or go is how we feel. This is a challenging rubric because how we feel changes often, shifting underneath our feet and evading rational clarification. We might feel like we’ve decided, only to wake up the next morning leaning in the opposite direction.
Questions to Make the Decision Easier
Considering the circumstances, it seems helpful to have a list of questions to help us wade through our feelings and, make a good decision. If you are struggling to decide if you should stay with your partner or not, think about these questions when you have quiet time to reflect deeply and honestly.
How much of our current unhappiness can be attributed to this partner? How much of it is the result of an attempt to live in a close relationship with another human being? What might we be contributing to the discord in the relationship? How are we a little hard to be around? Think about frustrating traits and annoying habits in previous partners and other people we’ve known. Which of these does our current partner not have? What things don’t we fight about?
Probe at new crushes and infatuations. Get to know them better and discover ways they are annoying too. Observe how many intelligent and sexually available people the singles around us encounter on a daily basis. Talk to your partner to explain how you feel without throwing accusations at them. Think about how you would feel as a child if your parents split up and compare that to the reality of the current family dynamics. How normal is it for couples to always have great sex?Are you ready to accept the risk of doing nothing more than exchanging one kind of unhappiness for another?
Do you want to choose hope over experience?
Reflecting on these questions can help you decide if you are ready to leave or if you should stay. If you can work things out with your partner and get married, prepare for another roller coaster. Wedding planning is stressful and can quickly become overwhelming. Hiring a professional wedding planner cuts the stress of planning so you can focus on maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner and enjoy your wedding day together.